Here are some great humorous beer quotes I gathered from all over the internet. There are a few quotes dealing with liquor in general, but most are about beer. At the bottom are quotes called “Normisms”. These sayings are from Norm from the old hit sitcom “Cheers!”… Enjoy!
1. “…there is only one game at the heart of America and that is baseball, and only one beverage to be found sloshing at the depths of our national soul and that is beer.” -Peter Richmond
2. “[I recommend]… bread, meat, vegetables and beer.” -Sophocles’ philosophy of a moderate diet
3. “A bar is better than a newspaper for public discussion.” -Jim Parker, on the importance of a healthy pub culture
4. “A little bit of beer is divine medicine.” –Paracelsus, Greek physician
5. “A psychologist once said that we know little about the conscience – except that it is soluble in alcohol.” – Thomas Blackburn
6. “A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.” -W.C. Fields
7. “After drinking four Martinis, my husband turns into a disgusting beast. And after the fifth, I pass out altogether.” – Anonymous
8. “All right, brain, I don’t like you and you don’t like me – so let’s just do this and I’ll get back to killing you with beer.” -Homer Simpson
9. “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” -Ernest Hemmingway
10. “Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” -Winston Churchill
11. “An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.” -For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway
12. “An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger, or a beer.” -Confucius
13. “Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.”
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14. “Beer does not make itself properly by itself. It takes an element of mystery and of things that no one can understand.” –Fritz Maytag
15. “Beer has food value, but food has no beer value.”
16. “Beer he drank – seven goblets. His spirit was loosened. He became hilarious. His heart was glad and his face shown.” – from the Epic of Gilgamesh, 3000 B.C.
17. “Beer is a wholesome liquor…it abounds with nourishment” –Dr. Benjamin Rush
18. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” -Benjamin Franklin
19. “Beer needs baseball, and baseball needs beer – it has always been thus.” -Peter Richmond
20. “Beer will always have a definite role in the diet of an individual and can be considered a cog in the wheel of nutritional foods.” -Bruce Carlton
21. “Beer will get you through time of no money better than money will get you through times of no beer.” – Freddie Freak
22. “Beer, if drunk with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health” –Thomas Jefferson
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23. “Beer: So much more than just a breakfast drink.” -Whitstran Brewery sign
24. “Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of working.” -Harold Rudolph
25. “Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth.” Steve Allen
26. “Everybody has to believe in something…..I believe I’ll have another drink.” -W.C. Fields
27. “Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire.” -David Rains Wallace
28. “Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world” – Kaiser Wilhelm
29. “Give my people plenty of beer, good beer and cheap beer, and you will have no revolution among them” – Queen Victoria
30. “God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?” -Restroom in The Irish Times, Washington DC
31. “He was a wise man who invented beer.” -Plato
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32. “I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.” -Abraham Lincoln
33. “I drink to make other people interesting.” -George Jean Nathan
34. “I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion” -Miguel De Cervantes
35. “I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night” –Benjamin Franklin
36. “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” -Frank Sinatra
37. “I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” – Winston Churchill
38. “I never met a pub I didn’t like.” -Pete Slosberg, Founder of Pete’s Brewing Company
39. “I think this would be a good time for a beer.” (upon signing the New Deal, paving the way for the repeal of Prohibition) – Franklin D. Roosevelt
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40. “I told the stewardess liquor for three.” – “Who are the other two? – “Oh, there are no other two.”
41. “I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.” –Joe E. Lewis
42. “I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.” -Homer Simpson
43. “I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.” – Tom Waits
44. “If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.” -David Daye
45. “If love makes the world go around, then whisky makes it go around twice as fast!” – Compton Mackenzie
46. “If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.” -Deep Thought, Jack Handy
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47. “I’m going to buy a boat… do a little traveling, and I’m going to be drinking beer!” -John Welsh, Brooklyn bus driver who won $30 million in the New York lottery
48. “I’m not so think as you drunk I am !” – John Squire
49. “It only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can’t remember whether it’s the thirteenth or fourteenth.” – George Burns
50. “It was a natural as eating and to me as necessary, and I would not have thought of eating a meal without drinking beer”- Ernest Hemingway
How’d you like the first 50 beer quotes? Here are some more.
51. “Let us drink for the replenishment of our strength, not for our sorrow” -Cicero
52. “Let’s get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini…” – Mae West
53. “Sir, you’re drunk!” Yes, Madam, I am. But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” –Lady Astor and Winston Churchill
54. “Make sure that the beer – four pints a week – goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop.” -Winston Churchill to his Secretary of War, 1944
55. “May the roof above us never fall in, and may we friends gathered below never fall out.” -Old Irish Blessing
56. “May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.” -Old Irish Toast
57. “No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.” -John Churchill, First Duke of Marlborough
58. “No, sir: There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern or inn.” –Samuel Johnson
59. “Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” -Dave Barry
60. “Oh, lager beer! It makes good cheer, And proves the poor man’s worth; It cools the body through and through, and regulates the health.” -Anonymous
61. “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” – Unknown
62. “Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.” – W. C. Fields
63. “One more drink and I’d have been under the host.” – Dorothy Parker
64. “One of the hallmarks of the baby boomer generation is that it doesn’t live like the previous generation. It hasn’t yet given up jeans and T-shirts or beer.” -Ron Klugman, SVP, Coors Brewing
65. “People who drink light ‘beer’ don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot.” -Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
66. “Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into.” -Don Marquis
67. “Reality is an illusion caused by a lack of good beer.”
68. “Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.” -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
69. “Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.” -His reply
70. “The easiest way to spot a wanker in a pub is to look around and find who’s drinking a Corona with a slice of lemon in the neck.” -Warwick Franks
71. “The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.” Richard Braunstein
72. “The letters in ‘Brace Beemer’ can be arranged to spell ‘Embrace Beer.'” -Dave Barry, referring to the actor who played the Lone Ranger on radio
73. “The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer” –Ancient Egyptian Wisdom
74. “The problem with some people is that when they are not drunk, they’re sober.”-William Butler Yeats.
75. “The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.” – Jeff Foxworthy
76. “The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” -Humphrey Bogart
77. “The roots and herbes beaten and put into new ale or beer and daily drunk, cleareth, strengtheneth and quickeneth the sight of the eyes.” -Nicholas Culpeper
78. “The sum of the matter is, the people drink because they wish to drink.” -Rudolph Brand
79. “The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.” – Yeats
80. “There is more to life than beer alone, but beer makes those other things even better.” -Stephen Morris
81. “They who drink beer will think beer.” -Washington Irving
82. “This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption… Beer!” -Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, Friar Tuck
83. “Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.” -Catherine Zandonella
84. “We could not now take time for further searche or consideration: our victuals being much spente, especially our beere.” – Logbook entry on the Mayflower, December 16, 1620
85. “We old folks have to find our cushions and pillows in our tankards. Strong beer is the milk of the old.” -Martin Luther
86. “We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink” -Epicurus
87. “When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.” -Dave Barry
88. “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” -Henny Youngman
89. “Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say, “I’m thirsty, not dirty”. Joe Lewis
90. “Who does not love beer, wine, women and song remains a fool his whole life long.” -Carl Worner
91. “Whoever serves beer or wine watered down, he himself deserves in them to drown.” -Medieval plea for pure libations
92. “Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.” -David Moulton
93. “Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” -Dave Barry
94. “Work is the curse of the drinking class.” -Oscar Wilde
95. “You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but a the very least you need a beer.”- Frank Zappa
96. “You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” -Dean Martin
97. “ I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” – Frank Sinatra
98. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy” – Benjamin Franklin
99. “Beer makes you feel as you ought to feel without beer.” Henry Lawson, Poet and writer.
100. “Beer…. a high and mighty liquor.”- Julius Caesar
101. “History flows forward on rivers of beer.” Anonymous
102. “I drink to make other people interesting.” – George Jean Nathan
103. “If a life of wine, women and song becomes too much, give up singing.”-Mark Schiess
104. “Let no man thirst for good beer.” – Sam Adams
105. “Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer.”-Frederick the Great
106. “Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” –Dave Barry
107. “One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.” – James Thurber
108. “Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true, than be selfish and worry about my liver.” – by Jack Handy
109. “The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle. They’re on TV.” -Homer Simpson
110. “The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.”- George Bernard Shaw
111. “The human intellect owes its superiority over that of the lower animals in great measure to the stimulus which alcohol has given imagination.”-Samuel Butler
112. “There can’t be good living where there is not good drinking.”-Benjamin Franklin
113. “Twenty-four hours in a day, twenty-four beers in a case. Coincidence?” – Stephen Wright
114. “What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?” W.C. Fields
115. “When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink.” –Francois Rabelais
116. “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading !!!” – Henny Youngman
117. “When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!” – Brian O’Rourke
118. “Work is the curse of the drinking class” – Oscar Wilde
119. “You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.” -On label of Founder’s Breakfast Stout-Sean Connery (as James Bond)
120. “Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.”-George Carlin.
Beer Quotes-Normisms (from the sitcom Cheers!)
121. “What’ll you have, Normie?”
“Well, I’m in a gambling mood Sammy. I’ll take a glass of whatever
comes out of that tap.”
“Looks like beer, Norm.”
“Call me Mister Lucky.”
122. “What’d you say, Norm?”
“Any cheap, tawdry thing that will get me a beer.”
123. “What would you say to a beer, Norm?”
“Hiya, sailor. New in town?”
124. “Can I draw you a beer, Norm ?”
“No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.”
125. “How’s a beer sound, Norm?”
“I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.”
126. “What’s shaking, Norm?”
“All four cheeks and a couple of chins.”
127. “What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?”
“Going Down?”
128. “What’s new, Normie?”
“Terrorists, Sam. They’ve taken over my stomach and they’re demanding
beer.”
129. “What’ll it be, Normie?”
“Just the usual Coach. I’ll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.”
130. “What would you say to a beer, Normie?”
“Daddy wuvs you.”
131. “What’d you like, Normie?”
“A reason to live. Give me another beer.”
132. (Coming in from the rain) “Evening everybody.”
Everybody: “Norm!”
“Still pouring, Norm?”
“That’s funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.”
133. “Whaddya say, Norm?”
“Well, I never met a beer I didn’t drink.”
134. “Hey Norm, how’s the world been treating you?”
“Like a baby treats a diaper.”
135.Hey Mr. Peterson, there’s a cold one waiting for you.”
“I know, if she calls, I’m not here.”
136. “Beer, Norm?”
“Have I gotten that predictable? Good.”
137. “What’s going on, Mr. Peterson?”
“A flashing sign in my gut that says, ‘Insert beer here.'”
138. “Hey Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?”
“Yep, now let’s get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?”
139. “How’s it going Mr. Peterson?”
“It’s a dog eat dog world, Woody and I’m wearing Milk Bone
underwear.
140. “What’s the story, Norm?”
“Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer.”
141. “How’s about a beer, Norm?”
“That’s that amber sudsy stuff, right? I’ve heard good things about
it!”
142. “What’s going on, Mr. Peterson?”
“The question is, `what’s going ‘in’ Mr. Peterson?” A beer, please,
Woody.”
143. “Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?”
“A little early isn’t it, Woody?”
“For a beer?” “No, for stupid questions.”
144. “What’s going on, Mr. Peterson?”
“Another layer for the winter, Wood.”
145. “Whatcha up to, Norm?”
“My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.”
146. “How’s it going Mr. Peterson?”
“Poor.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“No, I mean pour.”
147. “How’s life treating you, Norm?”
“Like it caught me sleeping with its wife.”
148. “Women. Can’t live with ’em … pass the beer nuts.”
149. “What’s going down, Normie?”
“My butt cheeks on that bar stool.”
150. “Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?”
“Alright, but stop me at one….make that one-thirty.”
151. “How’s it going Mr. Peterson?”
“It’s a dog eat dog world, Woody and I’m wearing Milk Bone
underwear.
152. “What’s the story, Norm?”
“Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer.”
153. “How’s about a beer, Norm?”
“That’s that amber sudsy stuff, right? I’ve heard good things about
it!”
154. “What’s going on, Mr. Peterson?”
“The question is, `what’s going ‘in’ Mr. Peterson?” A beer, please,
Woody.”
155. “Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?”
“A little early isn’t it, Woody?”
“For a beer?” “No, for stupid questions.”
156. “Would you like a beer Mr.. Peterson?”
“No, I’d like a dead cat in a glass.”
157. “How’s life treating you?”
“It’s not, Sammy, but you can.”
158. “How about a beer, Norm?”
“Hey I’m high on life, Coach. Of course, beer is my life. “
159. “Beer, Normie?”
“Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week. Eh, why not, I’m still young”
160. “Whaddya say, Norm?”
“Well, I never met a beer I didn’t drink. And down it goes.”
161. “What’s your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?”
“Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I’ll settle for a beer.”
162. “What’s the latest, Mr. Peterson? ”
“Zha-Zha marries a millionaire, Peterson drinks a beer. Film at eleven”
163. “Hey, Mr. Peterson, you got room for a beer?”
“Nope, but I am willing to add on.”
164. “What can I get you, Norm?”
[scratching his beard] “Got any flea powder? Ah, just kidding. Gimme a beer; I think I’ll just drown the little suckers.”
165. “Nice cold beer coming up,
“You mean, Nice cold beer going down Mr. Peterson”
166. “How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson? ”
“Pretty nervous if I was in the room.”
167. “What can I do for you, Norm? ”
“Open up those beer taps and, oh, take the day off, Sam”
168. “What’s going on, Normie? ”
“My birthday, Sammy. Give me a beer, stick a candle in it, and I’ll blow out my liver.”
169. “How’s it going, Norm? “
“Cut the small talk and get me a beer.”
170. “What can I do for you Norm?”
“Well, I am going to need something to kill time before my second beer. Uhhh, how about a first one”
171. “What’ll you have, Norm?”
“Fame, fortune, and fast women.”
“How ’bout a beer?”
“Even better.”
172. “Beer Norm?”
“Does a rag doll have cloth knobs”
173. “Beer Norm?” “I remember that stuff. Better give me a tall one in case I like it.”
174. “What’s the story, Mr. Peterson?”
“The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let’s cut to the happy ending.”